The Turning Point

Sure ako, at one point sa lahat ng taon na nag-aral ka, mula pre-school hanggang grad school, nagka-crush ka sa isa sa mga teachers mo. Well, ako din. At nung college nangyari yun. Oo, nagkacrush din ako sa ibang mga teacher before and even after this particular teacher. Pero ibang level ito. Kaya nga ang nickname ko sa kanya ay The Turning Point.

Sa UP, hindi naman uncommon yung nadedelay ka. Pero usually, sa majors ka napapatagal. Ako hindi. At sa isang pre-req subject ako nagtagal. Dun ko siya naging teacher. Summer of 2004.

Familiar ba ang building na ito?

May boyfriend ako nun eh. Kami pa ni The-One-Who-Could-Have-Been-Mr-Pagdanganan. Pero nasa beginning of the end na kami. Complicated kung bakit. Basta sa point na yun. Nalalapit na kami sa graduation, at nalalapit na rin sa paghihiwalay. Nun ko pa naging teacher si Turning Point. At dahil delayed na nga ako, at junior faculty si Turning Point, magka-edad kami. Actually, matanda pa ako by a few months.

Summer yung class so araw-araw ko siya nakikita. Nung una, cute lang siya para sa akin. Eto yung panahon na batang bata pa ang Friendster so hinanap ko siya. Nalaman kong madami pala kaming common friends. At nalaman ko ang mga org niya nung undergrad. At nalaman ko na dati rin siyang DLRC tutor. Dati akong tambay ng DLRC bago siya maging tutor. Basta. Ang dami kong nakitang common things. At ang pinakamabigat, ay magkababayan pala kami sa probinsya, nga lang, taga-bayan ako at taga-barrio siya kaya parang malayo na din.

Dun ata nagsimula ang curiosity ko sa kanya. At dahil hindi naman ako pinapansin ng boyfriend ko nun (may issues ata siya sa mga nangyayari sa buhay niya na ayaw niyang ipaalam sa akin), I had lots of time to feed that curiosity. I started hanging out with my summer classmates who eventually became my closest friends in UP, even after the summer classes. 

Anyway, lahat kaming tatlong magkakaibigan nung summer, bumagsak sa class na yun (haha). Pero noon bigla akong tumapang. Kasi nga dahil hindi ako iniintindi ng boyfriend ko noon, nag-email ako kay Turning Point. Niyaya ko siyang lumabas. Manood ng movie. Imagine that -- a student, asking her teacher out. What the hell was I thinking???

So dahil kelangan kong umulit ng course at ang naging teacher ko ay roommate niya, nakikita ko pa din siya. Medyo nahihiya nga ako because he turned me down nung niyaya ko siya lumabas. Pero dahil dati siyang DLRC tutor at maayos naman ako sa Chemistry, nagsign-up ako para magtutor dun. A few months later, natuloy na ang break-up namin ni boyfriend. At that point, I asked the Turning Point again, this time, sumama na siya. We went out. 

It was the summer of 2005. Sa wakas naipasa ko na yung subject niya -- sa ibang teacher syempre. Roommate ko na sa Ilang yung nakilala kong friends sa class niya. And I was nursing a broken heart. Na paminsan-minsan nakakalimutan ko kasi lumalabas-labas na kami ni Turning Point. Nung nagfiesta nga sa barrio nila, invited pa ako. Andun pa ang mga co-teachers niya. At nung nag-birthday din ako, pumunta siya sa amin. 

Kaso siyempre, umasa man ako that he will see me more than a friend, alam kong hindi rin naman mangyayari kasi at that time, may nililigawan siyang co-teacher. Pero at least naramdaman ko na magkaibigan na talaga kami kasi kahit nung nasa community work ako para sa terminal sem ko, pumunta siya sa community namin sa probinsya para manood ata ng sine or something.

So yun from then, naging constant friends na kami. Paminsan-minsan bumabalik siya sa DLRC. Nung nag-apply ako sa medical school, sa kanya ko pa pina-proofread yung essay ko. And a few days before I move out of my UP housing para lumipat malapit sa med school, nagdinner pa kami together. At that time, nag-aapply na siya for PhD sa ibang bansa. 

Sa mga nagtataka kung bakit Turning Point ang tawag ko sa kanya, kasi before I met him, I was a different person, with different set of friends. Nung nagkakilala kami, nabago lahat. Sa kakasunod ko sa kanya, nabago ang environment ko. Yung mga nakilala ko sa class niya, bestfriends ko until and even after graduation. Yung mga nakilala ko sa DLRC are still my very good friends till now, eight years after I signed up. Hindi ko na nga masyadong naalala kung sino ako before them. 

One of our DLRC friends said that he sees me and the Turning Point in two situations. (1) We'll end up together. or (2) We'll end up being very good friends for life. 

Where are we now? 

I am currently in med school. He actually helped me through my break-up with the Bad Mistake. Now I am with He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named.

He is on his final few months working on his PhD in a country somewhere (secret!!). I don't know if they are together na but he has a special lady friend.

We still chat every so often at madalas din siyang nang-aasar sa FB wall ko pag may post ako na naaliw siya.

I guess we are on situation number (2). Maybe after everything, that's where we are meant to be. 

Mga Natutunan Ko sa Walang Hanggan

Grabe, isa ata ang Walang Hanggan sa mga pinakatinutukan kong telenovela of recent years. Bukod kay Coco Martin, natuwa din naman ako sa balik-tambalan nina Richard at Dawn. Actually hindi ko ini-expect na magki-click pa sa sila. At ang masasabi ko lang, walang kakupas-kupas si Miss Susan Roces.

At syempre, may mga natutunan din naman ako sa Walang Hanggan. At ito ay:

1. Sa langit pala, hindi nagpapalit ng damit. At walang hanggang takbuhan din ang ginagawa ng mga tao. Nakakapagod yun ha.

Tumigil sila sa kakatakbo sa langit para mag-pose sa pic na ito.

2. Kahit na matangkad ang mga magulang mo (Marco at Emily) pwede ka pa din maging vertically challenged (Daniel). Si Nathan naiintindihan ko pa kasi maliit si Jane.

3. Lucrative business pala sa Pilipinas ang paggawa ng alak. Akala ko lambanog at tuba lang ang kumikita dito.

4. Baka makita ng future anak ko ang ipinaghahagis kong mga singsing/accessories na binigay sa akin ng mga ex ko. Nako. Madami yun. Baka madaming babae din ang pagbibigyan nun.

5. Pag pala kinasal ako sa pari, irerequire ko na ipakita sa akin ang license to marry niya. Baka ma-technical din ako.

6. Idol ko na si Emily. Kahit na may anak na siyang 20+ ang edad, go go go pa din sa pagbubuntis.

7. Pag naghawak kamay ang dalawang magkapatid, maiimagine nila ang multo ng apo nila na nagtatakbuhan sa bahay.

Hindi pa ako nanonood ng Ina, Kapatid, Anak. Pero napansin ko lang, walang kilay si Cherry Pie? Bakit?

The Big Mistake

I was very happy to get into medical school. Kahit hindi UP, sige, pwede na rin. Gusto ko talagang maging doktor eh. Saka kasalanan ko rin naman. Masyado kasi akong masaya nung college.

I told myself, no more boys muna. Since it was all bright and shiny, new school, new environment, new people, new everything, I was easily amused. Hindi ko napapansin yung loneliness. Until one day, it caught up with me. 

The real deal is, I was still hung over the-One-Who-Could've-Been-Mr-Pagdanganan. Four years is a huge chunk of memories to delete. And it has been three years since the break-up. I have forgiven him, and we are in "hello" terms again. But I still can't bring myself to love again. 

I kept myself busy with school work so as not to notice the time passing by. But there were times when I would cry in the middle of the night because of school, because I miss UP, and most importantly, because I was lonely. Which is why it was a good thing that our batch was sent to our first retreat. That was when I met him -- the Big Mistake.

You can take the girl out of UP but you can't take UP out of the girl.

He was an undergraduate student in the same college of my medical school. He was one of the volunteer facilitators of the retreat. Yes, he's not, and was never, a UP student. However, I found the retreat enjoyable and I the group of volunteers easy to get along with. I found him very entertaining. So when the retreat was over and the facilitators invited me to join their volunteer group, I said yes.

So there he was, The Big Mistake. We started as textmates at first. He asked me the usual relevant information. I told him my likes, what I want to be, why I was in med school and stuff. The usual. I was really impressed when he said that he likes those things too. I told him I love watching medical drama. He said he usually watches "Grace Anatomy". 

Huh?

I read his message once, twice. The spelling was really off. A tiny voice in my head was saying that this was a huge mistake. But I guess the loneliness of being alone in a school very different from what I am used to made me overlook that tiny detail.

We started going out. See, the college I now belong to has a reputation of having rich students. And from the looks of it, or at least how he treats me, he has more than enough for himself, unlike the boys I met (and dated) in UP. He started giving me gifts. Expensive ones. It was all new to me. Maybe because UP students use creativity in showing affection to their "prospects" or they don't have money to buy such gifts. But though the Big Mistake's gifts came with huge price tags, it lacked personality. 

But what the hell. I was lonely and they were nice things, so who am I to not accept, right?

We became a couple a day before Valentines Day. A med school friend (and UP grad too -- we were the only UP grads in the batch) said that I was only looking for a date for Valentines. He said he was surprised that we're together. But that was all he said.

The Big Mistake and I were a happy couple. Although one or two (or more) friends asked me "why". I just said that he makes me happy. We were happy. Until we weren't.

Med school does not have summer classes so I went home to the province for a much needed break. But as tradition since college, each summer, before classes start again, my UP friends would spend a weekend in our house in the province. That year, I invited The Big Mistake and his Rich-Kid College friends. 

I looked at the odd group in my parents' house while we were eating dinner. The group sitting on my left, the Rich Kids, were talking about stuff like basketball, professors, and stuff. The UP group on my right started talking about theorems and axioms and chemical reactions. The Big Mistake looked at me, asking to join their conversation -- parang gustong makita kung saan ang loyalty ko. I listened to their conversation, actually, I know the people and things they were talking about, I just didn't think they were worth talking about. Then a friend from the UP side asked about a chemical reaction. I readily answered, without thinking, we launched another huge discussion about chemistry and math and general science humor. The left side fell silent. They ate their dinner watching us discuss atoms and molecular weights and formulas. 

Later that night, the UP crowd are happily singing videoke in our garage, the Big Mistake and I were in the porch, talking. Then it slipped that half of my friends from UP are "happy" people which warranted an unexpected reaction from him.

"Matutulog kami kasama ng mga bakla?" 

I didn't see anything wrong with it. They may be "happy" people but they are the finest students (and teachers) I know. And besides they make things "happier". The Big Mistake excused himself to go upstairs. A few minutes later, one of my UP friends said that the Rich Kids asked my brother's permission to sleep in his room. (Not knowing that my brother is "happy" too.)

The next day, my UP friends noticed that the Rich Kids were avoiding them in every way they can. That was when I figured that this would be a big conflict between me and the Big Mistake. Because these UP friends are my friends for life. We've been through hell and high water together. 

After that summer, my relationship with the Big Mistake started deteriorating. After the way he treated my friends, I stopped exerting effort to be nice to his friends too. Especially those that I don't like. I also started noticing that the attitude he showed me at first were not really "him". Apparently, he was just faking interest in some of the things I like to hold my attention. And no, he does not watch "Grey's Anatomy".

Amazingly, we stayed together for more than a year after that incident. But I knew better than to mix the two groups again. But "staying together" is different from being "happy together". I had med school and med school student council to worry about and somehow, his presence in my life gave me the one thing I thought I needed. I was not alone. Until I realized that though I was not alone, I was lonely again. 

I am with a boy who cannot understand why I wanted to be a doctor so much. He did not understand ambition or why reputation is important to me. I am with a boy who, everytime we get into a fight, gets him mom to cook for me, since I live alone in my apartment in Manila. And even lets his mom do the "sorry" speech. He is content with having his Rich Kid friends around, go out for drinks every so often, watch a game or two of their championship-winning basketball team. That's it. It's all very shallow.

I was miserable. More miserable than when I was alone. So when I met another UP student, an undergrad, who despite being younger than me (and the Big Mistake), but the lack of years is compensated by his thirst for excellence and ambition, I was attracted. The way I was attracted to the First One, the-One-Who-Could-Have-Been-Mr-Pagdanganan, the In-Between and the Turning-Point (uy bagong character!). 

I weighed the pros and cons of being with a man much younger than me than be with a man who can't even think for himself. And even without security that the younger boy and I will be together, I gave up on the Big Mistake. I do not want to spend my life in shallowness of his.

As expected, the Big Mistake cried foul. He said I two-timed him. He sent his mom to interrogate me. That was when I knew I made the right decision.

But then the young boy, he stuck around. And that's when the story of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named started. 

And again, that is another story.

The In-Between

I had two great college loves. Every time someone asks me about how many boyfriends I had before my boyfriend now, I would always say three. The First One. The One-Who-Could-Have-Been-Mr-Pagdanganan. Followed by the Big Mistake, in medical school. But only a handful know about the In-Between. It only lasted for a few months, compared to the other three which lasted for years. But in retrospect, I must admit that his sudden role in my life was the first turning point. If not for him, I may have gone to very different road. Or something.

We'll call him... hmmm... the In-Between.

I met him first in my Comm 3 class. I must stress that this was the time of post-it on doors and pagers. Having a cellphone was a luxury. I did not notice him at first but I think he noticed me already.  I was then on my second year, in a BS course, and him, a third year, in a BA course. What the hell. I was in Community Nutrition and he was in Public Administration. 

Then I met him again in the Lectors and Commentators Guild in the Parish of the Holy Sacrifice. We both wanted to be lectors and commentators. I did not recognize him at first, but I recognized his friend, who was also our classmate in Comm 3. 

On our next Comm 3 class, we were asked to sit with our partners for our dyadic communications exercise, but as he was absent in the last meeting, he had no partner yet, and when our professor checked, we were an odd class, he has to share someone else's partner. 

After that period, he approached me and said he saw me in the LCG meeting, that was when I remembered him. He asked me if he could interview me for the dyadic exercise. I said yes. He asked for my landline and pager number. I was about to leave the room when he asked me where I lived. I told him my address in UP Village. Then left as I was about to meet The First One then. Yes, I was still with The First One.

What surprised me was that same night, I was watching TV, it was between 6 and 7 in the evening when one of my housemates said that there was a girl and a boy looking for me outside. Lo and behold,  it was him, with his friend from Comm 3. He said he wanted to ask me more about the dyadic exercise and I told him he didn't have to come to my house, a page or a call would have been enough. We talked about the exercise for a while and said he would just call me when he needs to ask stuff. That was no problem, I said.

The next meeting, he sat beside me class. Actually, I didn't know where he sat before but starting that day, he sat down beside me every time. He would talk to me about many things. I found out that he wanted to be a lawyer, possibly get into politics and is a member of one of the law-based fraternities in UP. I told him just enough -- what course I was in, that I wanted to be a doctor and that's about it. All other conversations were about the upcoming dyadic exercise.

Until there was a discussion in class which made me say, "hahahaha! My boyfriend would like that!"

He looked at me and asked, "You have a boyfriend?"

"Yup! For more than a year, why?" And I continued laughing with the class.

After that, he didn't talk to me as much as before. He wasn't chatty anymore. But he kept on sitting beside me, sometimes. Then my boyfriend's schedule started to clear up and there were times that he would fetch me from my Comm 3 class to walk with me to my next class. And the In-Between would see him.

Until one day, my boyfriend didn't show up. The In-Between asked me why I was leaving alone and where my boyfriend was. 

"You mean, ex-boyfriend. We broke up last night." I said and left the room.

And that night, I must admit, I was only semi-surprised to see him outside our house's gate, with flowers.

I was introduced to the In-Between's circle of friends, his frat, his sisters. It felt really uncomfortable. They led a life that I wasn't comfortable with. Not that they're bad people, they just belonged to a different crowd.

He started moving into my circles too. He would offer to walk me to classes, the way my ex used to. Until one day, he said he'll just walk me up to FC Walk and he'll have to go some place else. It weirded me out but I said it was no problem. A lot later that night, one of my housemates came home from a study group of sorts, and asked me where he was. I said, I don't know. And she told me that his frat got into a rumble with another law-based fraternity and that one in their frat brods died (a clue on when all of these happened). I realized that I haven't heard from him since that afternoon, when he said he had to go some place else. No call. No page. I got really worried. 

That part of AS (Palma Hall) that used to house his frat's tambayan.

His landline rang. It rang for a long time. Until someone picked up. To my relief, it was him. He was alive. And unhurt. Then we realized that I called him. I never call him. Until that night -- or very early morning. That was when I knew that he already has a special place in my heart.

"You were worried?" He asked.

"No." I answered.

"You were worried." And I sensed him smile form the other line. 

Also, this was the second semester, the In-Between had political plans, he ran for office in his college. He dragged me along the campaigns and meetings so often that his friends would call me the "Future First Lady of Public Administration." Well, he didn't win that race.

It was a very sweet start of what could've been a great relationship. But it didn't end that way. I wasn't very comfortable with his crowd and he found mine boring. Our lives outside Comm 3 class started to affect our budding love story. And after Comm 3, things started getting in the way.

We stayed together that summer. It was fun, I celebrated my 18th birthday, he was there. But when the first semester kicked in, we grew apart more. Until there was nothing there anymore. 

Our interests kept on colliding and if we keep on trying to fit in each others' lives, it may change us the way we don't want to be changed. And him, being the older, mature one, decided to end things at that. I had no objections.

After the dust settled, we eventually became friends. Just friends. During his freshman year in his Masters program, he ran for a seat in the University Student Council and won. He even became my date to a nephew's baptism a few years later. Last time we were together was when we had coffee in Katipunan. He was already working on his law degree in Ateneo then. 

That was him, my In-Between. The man that paved way for me to leave behind all the mush and idealism of my First One to give way for me to meet the Man-Who-Could've-Been-Mr-Pagdanganan. 

But that is another story.

More 25 Randoms

And another 25 randoms.

>> I like writing when my head is all full or I have some issues I want to resolve or simply when I feel like it.

>> I hoard tissue paper.

>> I buy and sell and sometimes create accessories in my free time. Shopping for materials is one of my  favorite relaxation activities.

>> I own and manage a bakery named after my Mom. My start-up capital was a cash gift from my paternal grandma.

>> My bakery is the go-to bakery in our town for pandesal. I developed the first pandesal recipe in 2007. From then till now, we adjusted the recipe to fit the likes of our customers which led to the recipe we have today.

>> <<

>> I cannot think straight if my REM sleep is disturbed.

>> I am irrationally scared of roosters.

>> I collect many-colored retractable pens.

>> I recently discovered paperless magazines that I download in iPad. Costs less. Less bulk too.

>> I keep a 'secret stash' of junk food and chocolates in my closet that I refill twice a year only. Just today, I found out that it's not much of a secret anymore.

>> <<

>> I used to be boy-band crazy.

>> The only stuffed toy on my bed is a stuffed lab puppy named Iggy after St. Ignatius of Loyola.

>> I only recently started singing in the shower.

>> I own an old grey Les Miserables t-shirt that I bought in a (now closed) shop in UP Shopping Center. It's too old and worn out that my mom is already plotting to throw it away.

>> I "watch" Grey's Anatomy, House MD or Charmed while I study for exams.

>> <<

>> Aside from flats, then next most comfy shoes for me are wedges.

>> I am a make-up addict even though I rarely wear make-up.

>> When I was a kid, I can stay in my room for days. For as long as I have an encyclopedia. Because of that, my mom bought me three sets.

>> I have a toy trident that I sometimes carry around the house just for the fun of it.

>> I have a complete LOTR DVD set. Now I'm saving up for Harry Potter. (It's on my Christmas wishlist **)

>> <<

>> I can be anti social at times.

>> I am currently learning to cook eggs in different ways.

>> I have a huge dangling and chandelier earrings collection. But I do not wear earring on ordinary days.

>> I used to be an Obagi girl.

>> To hide my Nutella from being "confiscated" because it's fattening, I kept it in my dresser near my perfumes and creams.

^_^

Artificial Love

In LBW Beta, I have an ongoing series about my various adventures in searching for Mr. Right. And if I am not mistaken, this is where I left off.

So Miro moved on with Annie. I already told him my side and how I wanted him back but he's not leaving Annie for me. I guess the only thing to do was to move on too.

But it was easier said than done.

In my attempt to move on as soon as possible, I focused my attention to one of my new friends whom I met in my provincial organization. Eddie was sweet and thoughtful. To stop thinking about Miro and Annie, I spent more time with Eddie.

At that time, my housemates and friends do not really like Eddie. At all.

They see Eddie as someone who is using my weakness then for his personal gain. I told them that Eddie isn't like that. He genuinely cares for me. They said that I only saw what I wanted to see. They saw otherwise. And in a few weeks, sad, but I realized that my friends were right.

It was the transition between first and second semesters. Enlistment time. Being the social butterfly that I am, I know people who can make my enlistment easier. And Eddie, knowing that I can get him into any CSSP or CAL class, tagged along.

That was the time when I first saw what my friends saw.

Everytime Eddie and I would bump into his group of friends, it was either he wouldn't introduce who I am or he would introduce me as the generic "orgmate". I wasn't even elevated to the level of "friend".

So with my help, he got into the classes he needed. A day later, I found out that he "un-listed" from the classes that I got for him. His plan was not to go to the classes at all, his plan was to use the classes I got for him to trade classes with his other friends. (Yep, possible in UP at that time. I think it's not possible to do anymore.)

That was when I felt used and abused. Eddie was only faking being nice to me because he knew about my connections in various departments. I was distraught. And the pain and embarrassment from the Miro and Annie incident was still fresh. I distanced myself from Eddie.

I avoided Eddie. Which led me to the path that would shape me into the person I am today and into the life of a person who influenced me more than anyone else.

Bounce Back

Hello again, blogger. I am so back.

Yeah, Blogger used to host my first blogs since college until I transferred to Wordpress just last year, I think.  Then blogger had a facelift and I found out that it's actually better now. So here I am. Back to my old Blogger account with a different blog.

So it's the semestral vacation... well actually, it's technically over since classes start again tomorrow. But my classes won't be until Tuesday so I still have one day before my semester officially starts. I have a handful of things to do before November kicks in. Like practice driving in the city and maybe update my closet as well as reorganize my stuff at home.

I bought three large plastic boxes and stuffed all my med school things in so that they're not messing up my other stuff. My problem is the obsolete encyclopaedias that I want to put into storage too. I want to keep them because I want my future kids to learn to read books first before going digital.

I also kept all of my sagala and evening gowns to regain more room for other stuff in my closet. I have a relatively big room but nowhere to put stuff in.

Spent most of the break running here and there since dad is home for a vacation. I spend my days running the bakery and playing Chefville on idle hours. Oh yeah, I spearheaded the Harana Kay Maria program a week ago, too.

I hope I can update this blog more than I update the WP one before. We'll see. But for now. Toodleloo. :)